December 2008: I am feeling really low. I have tried everything I have read about and still the cancer marker increases. My PSA now at 190 has gone through a series of rises that leaves me despondent and feeling out of control. I am at a total loss as to where to go from here.
It never ceases to amaze me how fate, God, call it what you will, plays a hand in our lives. My significant other (S.O) has organised us as a billet for a Toastmaster visitor to our area for two nights. S.O. is at work when she arrives on the doorstep with not one but two bottles of really good wine. Being a gregarious individual I welcome this stranger with open arms, not necessarily because of the wine, but it all helps, C introduces herself and after transfer of tack (bags, etc.) from transport we settle down for a cuppa and chat until S.O. arrives home. With both of us being Toastmasters (I'm currently on a break) talking is not a problem and we discuss various topics of family and life's problems. Always on the lookout for new information on cancer treatment I mention I am having a bit of a battle with cancer. C immediately states she has travelled down with a fellow Toastmaster who is involved with a group called Canhelp based in Nambour, Queensland. Canhelp apparently is an organisation that assists people with their battle with cancer using a simple but effective approach based on diet and exercise.
We enjoy two nights of C's company as well as the wine and I find out more about Canhelp. As I have no alternatives I contact Canhelp for a chat. The lady who answers my call has all the right answers. The group is a registered charity and it seems from our discussion that most of the organisation is made up of volunteers. It seems that the protocol is simple, resting mainly in the control of the client and is well supported by ready contact. I reserve my judgement and make an appointment that will coincide with out trip north to the tropics and family for Christmas.
Our visit to Canhelp is an eyeopener to say the least as the instigator of the organisation, D, tells us about how it came into being, what they do and what past outcomes have been obtained with people blighted with many forms of cancer including Prostate cancer. I show D my protocol that I am currently following and his words are "... Peter, your about 70% right but you've got a few holes in your boat...". The significant points I hear are bone lesions can usually be cleared up within about 3 months and that of the 40 or so clients that have been through the system with Prostate cancer only 3 have died. There was a common factor with all three, they would not go off mainstream medicine's hormone therapy, a bet each way so to speak that didn't work out. D's confidence impresses me as I come to terms with what he is saying. I am feeling very emotional as I see the possibility of a future once again but the analyst in me still has some doubts to be satisfied.
Another sufferer of Prostate cancer I know who died recently and tried many different mainstream and alternative treatments paid over A$24,000 for one treatment that was unsuccessful. I ask a few questions in the office and do my assessment by following the money trail. All health assessment is done by alternative professionals who are outside the organisation. Each professional you are sent to do a comprehensive written report and are paid from the lump sum you pay to Canhelp. I am convinced it is worth a try. After a short discussion with S.O. I sign up for a cost, at the time, of A$3000 which I consider to be cheap to pay for a life saved. I immediately go in for assessment for the mental challenges that lay ahead. I pass this test without problem. The main requirement is going to be discipline, the ability to stick to a strict regime is paramount. I attend the Gym next door to Canhelp for a physical assessment which includes measuring arms torso and legs. These measurements will be used to assess how well I am doing with the exercise programme as well as checking the change in my muscle to fat ratios. The reasoning behind this is if cancer is eating away at you in a serious way you will be hard pressed to put on muscle due to chachexia. As you will appreciate the road back can be a serious struggle and one foot wrong can compromise everything else you may do.
C, our new found friend from Toastmasters welcomes us into her home and reciprocates by providing us with a bed as we prepare for further assessment next day at Canhelp. We are entertained at dinner by C and her husband, H, who being in the pharmaceutical industry shows considerable interest in what Canhelp intend to do for me as he is well aware of my chances under mainstream medicine. I have to admit I haven't had such a stimulating evening in a long time as I enjoyed with these two wonderful people.
The following day I am allotted appointments for live blood analysis, body composition and cellular health analysis as well as massage. I am also given a large box of the type of foods I am to eat, consisting of packs of LSA with crushed seeds, nuts and various meals. Nothing specialised as all are available from any health food shop.
The strict diet is very simple, no grain or potato carbs at all, no fruit except white grapefruit, no sugar at all. The only vegetables that can be cooked are green, all yellow and orange coloured veg. must be eaten raw, raw foods at every meal along with cooked, no processed meats except bacon cured in salt only, Beef, lamb, fish and chicken are all ok, preferable organic and eat the fat. In other words nothing that feeds the cancer. To start off I must go on a water only diet for three days then a B17 diet for three days. B17, that means apricot kernels and they must be consumed at the rate of about 7 kernels and at each hour of the waking day. You have to source the apricot kernels your self as our government has made it illegal to sell them from any shop front store. This is due to just plain barstardry by big pharma. The apricot kernels must be Australian or of Asian origin as the penchant for Americans to have everything sweet has brought about the breeding of apricots with kernels that contain very little B17.
As we head north for a family Christmas I feel like I have just been given a chance to get my life back. Amazing how a chance meeting through such a simple gesture as giving a stranger a bed for a few nights has delivered to me an opportunity to save a life, mine. Fate takes my hand or is my God giving me a second chance?
tbc
Peter
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
A See Saw Time Of It
It is now July 2008: My PSA graph shows the following March 3rd at 85, suspect cracked rib from sneeze, March 20th at 67, April 11th at 88, April 29th at 86,
The last few months it has been a struggle with disappointment stacked on top of elation until now it is despair stacked on quiet hope. It seems I have a win with the PSA going down by 10 or 20 points then it's up 30 or so points. Doesn't seem to matter what I do, I think I'm doing everything right yet the PSA goes up. I ran off to New Zealand for a break and some family obligations, also ate a lot of chocolate and my PSA went down. I am doing something wrong and something right but have no idea which or what is which. It is really starting to get me down and hold me there.
It seems there is a relationship to my time spent with grandchildren and family. My PSA goes down with each visit then comes up again. I enjoy immensely the conversations with our daughter as well, she is a smart lateral thinker and to bounce topics off her is a favorite pastime. I can expect a vibrant (for the want of a better word) conversation that covers a range of responses from both sides of an argument (that's argument the same as a mathematical argument not a fight. It annoys me that people bring emotion into an argument instead of sticking to fact or opinion based on fact. Seems to be a lost art these days, some get the shits just because you have an opposing view, very narrow thinking really.). She has taught me a lot and I appreciate it greatly.
I've tried some weird and wonderful things in my quest for a cancer killer as well as to deal with all the ramifications, especially the mental ones. I was having problems keeping on track and was finding my mind was going round in ever decreasing circles possibly due to the sheer desperation of it all. I paid a visit to a spiritual healer who was recommended to me. No, not Amanda Marga Arrawather Jodpurs just Ruth S. Within the first few minutes of talking to her I just blurted out "... Ruth S, I like you..." . I am a pragmatic personality but like a bit of adventure, especially into the realms of the mind, yet I've never been tempted to try what is euphemistically called recreational drugs. I've only been what could be called tiddly on alcohol twice in my life and didn't like it both times - must be in control, then maybe you've worked that out by now.
My Session with Ruth was fascinating. After a short talk on some aspects of my life Ruth asked me to lie on the couch, explained what she would do, rest her hand on my shoulder, and told me to close my eyes and relax. I did and within minutes I was experiencing hypnogogic imagery, a swirling blue light in my minds eye. Truly amazing to happen so quickly. I was quite conscious, very relaxed but unaware of Ruth's hand on my shoulder as I lay on the couch. I could hear the sounds of business life passing on the street outside and the swirling blue light would wax and wane if the sounds intruded on my thoughts. This imagery occurs when your brain waves slow down to about 7.2Hz, a very relaxed state that usually can only be achieved by very experienced yoga practitioners of by some external influence like Holosync sound patterns.
On bringing me out of this relaxed state I was slightly dizzy and took some care in getting on my feet. Ruth was in tears. She then sat with me and explained just what I had "told" her yet I never spoke or at least I am not aware of speaking. Apparently I have a troubled mind going back to my childhood and the experiences with sickness in hospital on two occasions, conflicts with my father and experiences when away at school. I must reiterate I loved both my parents dearly and had not been aware of other that the normal conflicts any child would have with a parent. The things that were suggested were like the lights coming on from subconscious to conscious. Truly amazing. Being a strong self analyst I am not prone to auto suggestion. The problem is while I am analysing the "what the" I can miss the "because". The objective of this experience was to rid me of all those events in my life that cause anger, bitterness and resentment and to build in me hope for the future. I would be rid of the trials of the mind and with peace at last within myself and within my world I could look to a life free of cancer, a big ask.
I did experience some confusion as I tried to rationalise over a couple of weeks just what had happened. I had a few visits to Ruth with similar effects but the lights were not coming on for me and money was tight. I did appreciate the experience and always came away feeling relaxed. Ruth took the time to ring me at home several days later to expand further on her comments and reiterated that I have to get the caravan finished and get out into the bush. I also have to learn to receive love as I relate to who loves me and who doesn't and shut myself away from the hurt. I need to focus on the positive and receiving love.
"Modern medical science" has me listed as terminal so it was all a big ask unless I found something they didn't know. The further I delve into this cancer "industry" the more confident I feel that the answer is there and is being kept suppressed by mainstream medicine.
The Internet has opened the doors to minds and is beyond control to a large degree. That elusive answer to cancer is there I just have to find it. I must focus and keep looking.
Peter
tbc
The last few months it has been a struggle with disappointment stacked on top of elation until now it is despair stacked on quiet hope. It seems I have a win with the PSA going down by 10 or 20 points then it's up 30 or so points. Doesn't seem to matter what I do, I think I'm doing everything right yet the PSA goes up. I ran off to New Zealand for a break and some family obligations, also ate a lot of chocolate and my PSA went down. I am doing something wrong and something right but have no idea which or what is which. It is really starting to get me down and hold me there.
It seems there is a relationship to my time spent with grandchildren and family. My PSA goes down with each visit then comes up again. I enjoy immensely the conversations with our daughter as well, she is a smart lateral thinker and to bounce topics off her is a favorite pastime. I can expect a vibrant (for the want of a better word) conversation that covers a range of responses from both sides of an argument (that's argument the same as a mathematical argument not a fight. It annoys me that people bring emotion into an argument instead of sticking to fact or opinion based on fact. Seems to be a lost art these days, some get the shits just because you have an opposing view, very narrow thinking really.). She has taught me a lot and I appreciate it greatly.
I've tried some weird and wonderful things in my quest for a cancer killer as well as to deal with all the ramifications, especially the mental ones. I was having problems keeping on track and was finding my mind was going round in ever decreasing circles possibly due to the sheer desperation of it all. I paid a visit to a spiritual healer who was recommended to me. No, not Amanda Marga Arrawather Jodpurs just Ruth S. Within the first few minutes of talking to her I just blurted out "... Ruth S, I like you..." . I am a pragmatic personality but like a bit of adventure, especially into the realms of the mind, yet I've never been tempted to try what is euphemistically called recreational drugs. I've only been what could be called tiddly on alcohol twice in my life and didn't like it both times - must be in control, then maybe you've worked that out by now.
My Session with Ruth was fascinating. After a short talk on some aspects of my life Ruth asked me to lie on the couch, explained what she would do, rest her hand on my shoulder, and told me to close my eyes and relax. I did and within minutes I was experiencing hypnogogic imagery, a swirling blue light in my minds eye. Truly amazing to happen so quickly. I was quite conscious, very relaxed but unaware of Ruth's hand on my shoulder as I lay on the couch. I could hear the sounds of business life passing on the street outside and the swirling blue light would wax and wane if the sounds intruded on my thoughts. This imagery occurs when your brain waves slow down to about 7.2Hz, a very relaxed state that usually can only be achieved by very experienced yoga practitioners of by some external influence like Holosync sound patterns.
On bringing me out of this relaxed state I was slightly dizzy and took some care in getting on my feet. Ruth was in tears. She then sat with me and explained just what I had "told" her yet I never spoke or at least I am not aware of speaking. Apparently I have a troubled mind going back to my childhood and the experiences with sickness in hospital on two occasions, conflicts with my father and experiences when away at school. I must reiterate I loved both my parents dearly and had not been aware of other that the normal conflicts any child would have with a parent. The things that were suggested were like the lights coming on from subconscious to conscious. Truly amazing. Being a strong self analyst I am not prone to auto suggestion. The problem is while I am analysing the "what the" I can miss the "because". The objective of this experience was to rid me of all those events in my life that cause anger, bitterness and resentment and to build in me hope for the future. I would be rid of the trials of the mind and with peace at last within myself and within my world I could look to a life free of cancer, a big ask.
I did experience some confusion as I tried to rationalise over a couple of weeks just what had happened. I had a few visits to Ruth with similar effects but the lights were not coming on for me and money was tight. I did appreciate the experience and always came away feeling relaxed. Ruth took the time to ring me at home several days later to expand further on her comments and reiterated that I have to get the caravan finished and get out into the bush. I also have to learn to receive love as I relate to who loves me and who doesn't and shut myself away from the hurt. I need to focus on the positive and receiving love.
"Modern medical science" has me listed as terminal so it was all a big ask unless I found something they didn't know. The further I delve into this cancer "industry" the more confident I feel that the answer is there and is being kept suppressed by mainstream medicine.
The Internet has opened the doors to minds and is beyond control to a large degree. That elusive answer to cancer is there I just have to find it. I must focus and keep looking.
Peter
tbc
A Sneeze is All it Takes
It is now March 2008, I have been on the MMS since early January and am due for another PSA test in a week. My wife is driving and I am a passenger going home after a visit with my sister living on the Gold Coast. Then out of the blue I sneeze. The pain that shoots through my right side is breath taking, literally. I gasp to regain some composure and just try to slow it all down while I sit up straight and think about what has just happened. I am still thinking it will ease in a minute just take it easy, it doesn't. Bloody hell, what have I just done that could hurt so much. It is beginning to dawn on me... the rib lesion has been so weakened over the last two years that it has broken. The power of a sneeze... leaves your mouth at around 160km per hour, that's pretty fast and causes a bit of back pressure.
We get home and the pain has eased a bit but I have trouble moving and I am at a loss as to what I should do so I just go to bed drugged up. Next morning I feel better and get dressed to go up to the caravan, plenty to do and I'm on roll with it at the moment. I find ways to do things without causing me too much pain but the step down from the van to the floor is a bitch and someone has pinched the workshop step. I knock off early and head home.
The next day is blood test day, apart from PSA I have a heap of tests done including blood gases which I regard as very important so I can monitor my O2 levels and CO2. Did you know you brain monitors your CO2 levels not the O2. The CO2 will kill you if it gets out of hand, amazing thing the human body and brain just what it can do that force you to survive... cancer is just a survival mechanism at a cellular level, somehow what you have done has restricted the O2 level to such an extent that the cells go into survival mode and convert to fermentation mode which is anaerobic instead of aerobic using O2. When this happens the change in the cells also disables the suicide switch in the mitochondria of the cell and that cell can no longer self destruct as it should, bingo, you now have cancer when you immune system is overloaded or cannot recognise the cells.
The results from the tests are a bitch - the PSA has jumped from 33 and I was so sure headed down yet they have risen to 85, massive jump. The only reason has to be the broken rib has released heaps of cancer cells into my system pushing my PSA through the roof. What a bitch, I am distressed this was going to be the proof that the MMS was going to save me. The mental battle to deal with this news was a tremendous strain on me, to try and stay positive is very difficult when the odds keep stacking against you from such unexpected directions. Alright, I was feeling sorry for myself, you know, "why me".
My wife and no doubt to a lesser degree our kids were feeling the strain as well. However you have to be living with a cancer "victim" to really feel the day to day stress of coping with the cancer as well as the everyday matters that come along. A Cancer patient doesn't necessarily think too much about what their spouses are going through. Me, I am focused so much on me and this fight that to see outside is beyond me most of the time. Sometimes I may surface but I am in a life and death battle here and I have very little if anything left for even the closest significant other. I spend a lot of time in a mental battle to stay on top as I can trust no one with my life but me and there is no relaxation from that. I have seen two ex-work mates recently just give in and die.
Just writing this has reduced me to tears, the days and the nights thinking about what to do next. The thinking ingresses into every nook and cranny of your day to day activities, even when I'm looking relaxed I'm searching for something I might have missed. The research that you must do to find the truth for yourself is ongoing. The bitterness I feel towards a medical fraternity who sit on their respective arses and ignore what they surely must see big Pharma doing. I mean these are supposedly intelligent people yet they are so controlled by peer group pressure that they ignore the obvious. I have had to have some psychological counselling to try and turn my anger away. It has definetly made me more determined to beat these white ants in my bones and throw it up to the specialists. I'll get satisfaction but those other poor souls that go meekly to their deaths at the hands of an incompetent medical fraternity and corrupt research industry. Again I say to all, follow the money trail for the truth. Hmmm... I'm ahead of myself a bit, I still have to survive yet.
Fortunately I have a Doctor who isn't controlled, influenced yes, because he trained in the system but controlled, no. It must be very difficult for him at times but I have made it clear I make the decisions on his advice. That way he can always feel he has done his best and I am responsible for my health, good or bad, and I can feel I have done my best as well, right or wrong. Enough, the stress of thinking about it drives me bonkers and that doesn't do me any good at all.
Tomorrow is another day.
tbc
Peter
We get home and the pain has eased a bit but I have trouble moving and I am at a loss as to what I should do so I just go to bed drugged up. Next morning I feel better and get dressed to go up to the caravan, plenty to do and I'm on roll with it at the moment. I find ways to do things without causing me too much pain but the step down from the van to the floor is a bitch and someone has pinched the workshop step. I knock off early and head home.
The next day is blood test day, apart from PSA I have a heap of tests done including blood gases which I regard as very important so I can monitor my O2 levels and CO2. Did you know you brain monitors your CO2 levels not the O2. The CO2 will kill you if it gets out of hand, amazing thing the human body and brain just what it can do that force you to survive... cancer is just a survival mechanism at a cellular level, somehow what you have done has restricted the O2 level to such an extent that the cells go into survival mode and convert to fermentation mode which is anaerobic instead of aerobic using O2. When this happens the change in the cells also disables the suicide switch in the mitochondria of the cell and that cell can no longer self destruct as it should, bingo, you now have cancer when you immune system is overloaded or cannot recognise the cells.
The results from the tests are a bitch - the PSA has jumped from 33 and I was so sure headed down yet they have risen to 85, massive jump. The only reason has to be the broken rib has released heaps of cancer cells into my system pushing my PSA through the roof. What a bitch, I am distressed this was going to be the proof that the MMS was going to save me. The mental battle to deal with this news was a tremendous strain on me, to try and stay positive is very difficult when the odds keep stacking against you from such unexpected directions. Alright, I was feeling sorry for myself, you know, "why me".
My wife and no doubt to a lesser degree our kids were feeling the strain as well. However you have to be living with a cancer "victim" to really feel the day to day stress of coping with the cancer as well as the everyday matters that come along. A Cancer patient doesn't necessarily think too much about what their spouses are going through. Me, I am focused so much on me and this fight that to see outside is beyond me most of the time. Sometimes I may surface but I am in a life and death battle here and I have very little if anything left for even the closest significant other. I spend a lot of time in a mental battle to stay on top as I can trust no one with my life but me and there is no relaxation from that. I have seen two ex-work mates recently just give in and die.
Just writing this has reduced me to tears, the days and the nights thinking about what to do next. The thinking ingresses into every nook and cranny of your day to day activities, even when I'm looking relaxed I'm searching for something I might have missed. The research that you must do to find the truth for yourself is ongoing. The bitterness I feel towards a medical fraternity who sit on their respective arses and ignore what they surely must see big Pharma doing. I mean these are supposedly intelligent people yet they are so controlled by peer group pressure that they ignore the obvious. I have had to have some psychological counselling to try and turn my anger away. It has definetly made me more determined to beat these white ants in my bones and throw it up to the specialists. I'll get satisfaction but those other poor souls that go meekly to their deaths at the hands of an incompetent medical fraternity and corrupt research industry. Again I say to all, follow the money trail for the truth. Hmmm... I'm ahead of myself a bit, I still have to survive yet.
Fortunately I have a Doctor who isn't controlled, influenced yes, because he trained in the system but controlled, no. It must be very difficult for him at times but I have made it clear I make the decisions on his advice. That way he can always feel he has done his best and I am responsible for my health, good or bad, and I can feel I have done my best as well, right or wrong. Enough, the stress of thinking about it drives me bonkers and that doesn't do me any good at all.
Tomorrow is another day.
tbc
Peter
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